The Traveller

I can only imagine the pain God felt watching me throw myself into the fire.
The immense empathy and perfect love.
Thinking about it, brings tears to my eyes. He's so beautiful and I can't imagine hurting Him in any way.
I have some things I'd like to say to Him, a much needed breath of fresh air, before continuing onward with the manic scenarios. Indulge me.

Father,
I want to start by saying how crazy grateful I am for Your protection over me, in those days. All the unseen miracles that took place and the angels you placed about me, keeping charge over me in all my ways. Looking back on it, I see myself as this traveller. Traveling through the depths of hell, but never rooting there. Moving through that era, my soul biding it's time, before coming back to you. Like you gave my heart a crash course in  "the lost." So, in the future I could flip through my inner filling cabinet, and pull out grace and understanding, So I could have empathy and passion for those still in that life. Those in jail, women who have faced sexual assault, addiction, depression, and domestic abuse. Families in similar situations. You've gifted me with a spectrum of perspectives. It's truly amazing, now that I have the eyes to see that. The absolute perfect miracle of it. You blow my mind.
Everything I've needed you have given me, and so much more. You are so giving Father. So incredibly giving. You have created things in my life I could never dream on my own. Your vision for me is vast and whole, that my mind cannot conceive it. I watch as this perfect tapestry is being built of my life, how you use even the smallest of things, to create a blessed work. A miracle. You are so humble Father.
Every time I sit down to honour the joy and purpose, you're weaving into my life, I'm in awe. I find it hard to express. It's so big, so detailed. Your ways are too perfect. Our vocabulary lacks the words.
You make me brave. You calm me when I'm afraid, and remind me, that in You there is no fear, only love. Understanding. Grace. Total acceptance and perfect joy. You have saved my life from destruction. You sent your Son, of whom I love deeply and eternally, to be tortured, abandoned and die for me. Jesus, my love, my strength and my humility. I love you more then I can even speak of. I can say for the first time in my life, I'm learning how to trust You, rely on You and use You. I am so crazy excited about that, because I know nothing but good fruit can come of it. A larger span of perfect works and an expansion of your great and vast love. For us. People. All of us. Beautiful.

I love you Father. Thank you for taking care of me.
Ang