One foot in front of the other....

So Im standing in the shower this morning..well sitting actually..Im too lazy when I get up in the morning to stand haha..plus I like the water washing over my face and neck...wakes me up. Anyways as Im sitting there with that warm water running over my face youd imagine id be relaxed, or at least enjoying my quiet time, but I wasnt. I was thinking..as I always do in the morning...which can lead to being far too stressed out when your just beginning a new day. Im sure a lot of other women can relate to that..u just open your eyes and your already bombarded with the daily grind, and all the stuff you hafta get done..bla bla..sounds normal and stuff..but honestly it can screw up my entire day and mood if i don't center myself. So I try to take time in the shower to reach out to God and check myself, before I wreck myself ;)
So this is what I was trying to do this morning. The last few days I hadnt been in genuine prayer..I had been trying to regain control with God..trying to put myself in the front seat again. It had snuck up on me..as it always does when you don't take the time you need to be with The Father.  I had started to feel selfish again, and that led me to rebel for a week or so. K lemme restart here for a second, in the last two months my journey with God went from frustration and complete blindness to being awake and aware in Him. In the Truth. He literally walked back into my life..and made Himself known. Anyone whos had a kick in the ass from The Father, knows exactly what Im talking bout. The kind of thing, where no matter how hard you try to explain it, to control it, to reason with it, or make it tangible...you cant. It just is. And what He wants, just is. You can try to ignore it and go do groceries, make feeble attempts to live your life without looking at whats directly on your heart and in your face. But you know. Youll never be the same. And good riddance right? I mean if your life has been crazy hard, and your walking around with all that pain? good right? yes good. Easy? NO. I mean in the beginning your so high on God, its all easy!!! You want to listen, make a difference..the surrender is simple when your face to face with trust, and honor. That is until...time goes on and you realize..that keeping up this relationship depends on you. And that my friend..puts you in one place. In front of the mirror. So that's why I started this blog...to surrender, to face myself..to put it all out there, and vunerabilize myself to everyone who decides to take the time to read this. Why? cause Im scared. Cause Im afraid Ill be judged as this new creation in Christ...and that's what I was worrying about in the shower this morning. So I decided to listen..and all I heard was...go all out then Angie..tear open your chest and show yourself. I realized I had been hiding my relationship with God..keeping it in my living room and in Bikers Church. Yeah Ill post the occasional inspiring facebook status update...but thats still copping out. And I promised God..I wont sell out on you. I wont be ashamed of you. You made me, and I wont be ashamed of me either. So here goes..Im going to try and publish a Blog everyday...an online open journal..and I wont hold back...I figure If I can advertise my humanity, mistakes, failures...to all of you? God will teach me how to accept them in myself. Feel free to leave me comments, and help me on this journey...Im just a human being walking around in insecurity and ego like everyone else..but Im done in that life..there is nothing left for me in the big machine. My goal? The Truth. I got it tattooed on my arm for a reason ;)
So here's to You Father...for never letting me sit still for long..for loving me enough to push me through my fears...and for teaching me everyday the value of people and grace...and for most offering me the gift of a new heart...even though I don't deserve it at all.