One yellow rose....

It was a cold Friday afternoon when we pulled up to the funeral home. The wind whipped and pulled at my hair as we walked to the site where Dina Madsen, Montys Grandmother, would be laid to rest. I held my husbands big warm hand as tight as I could as we stood there in silent respect. I hadn't met most of these people yet, but as we stood there in silence I felt....right. Ive never been to a grave sight service before, every funeral Ive ever attended has been in the comfort of the dreary funeral home. Something about standing outside in the cold cold air made sense. That when your toes begin to freeze and your face gets kinda numb, you stay. You listen. You cry. You honour.You Respect.

One thing I can say for certain is that Dina Madsen indeed deserved my respect.
When Monty says, "They don't make 'em like her anymore." I know beyond a doubt, that hes telling the truth. This woman built cabins with her bare hands. She helped rivet planes together in world war two. She lived in the wilderness, hunted and fished to feed her family. When in labor for one of her daughters, she snow shooed across the lake to get to the roads to meet her husband so she could get into town. That walk was at least 5 miles. And I got pissed I had to be driven to the hospital without pain relief...pffffft. I can only hope that one day I can call myself half the woman Dina was. I will forever in my heart honour this woman. Speak of her with a glimmer in my eye...just like everyone else that stood with us on that Friday afternoon. I never even met her and she makes me want to be a better person. A more solid person. A woman of courage and strength. A woman that takes what she gets in this world and is grateful. A woman that works hard and sacrifices for her family. The kind of woman we should all strive to be more like.
So as the wind blew and tears fell, loved ones stepped forward to speak stories of bravery, laughter and wisdom. Stories of love and courage....and the time came to close with the passing out of yellow roses to the immediate family....to her children, her grandchildren. I stood back as I watched my husband slowly walk up to her casket which was blanketed in red velvet, and gently place his yellow rose and say a final goodbye to his Grandmother. Tears whelling in my eyes. My heart beating out just for him, for his family. He walked back to me with his Mom Sandy at his side, and I noticed she was still carrying her rose. She approached me gently, as she always does, and whispered to me...
Angie, I want to share my rose with you.
As I even write this, tears are falling down my face.
I was shoked...I didnt know what to say. This rose was for her. It was HER Mom. How many people would have been taken over by grief in that moment, so taken that they are blind to anyone else but themselves. Most. I know I would have been. I didn't feel right reaching out to receive it from her hand, but when I did and saw the love in her eyes... I knew in my heart that she was teaching me something so important, something so valid and real..that I could not take that away from her. From myself. And as I walked up to Dinas resting place and knelt down to place that rose, in my personal experience, my place in the Holladay family was finalized...and my heart and soul EXPANDED. I cant explain it, it just IS. I am filled with a kind of gratitude I have a hard time putting into words. That one single act of selflessness has changed me forever. I was once a runaway criminal teenager, homeless, drug addicted and jailed. Ive faced rape, domestic abuse, and a multitude of pain and suffering. In some way or another, havn't we all? but not all of us are given the Grace of God to press restart in our lives..I guess not all of us ASK for it either. I did. God heard me, and from the moment, 5 years ago when I called my Mom Chantal on the phone, asking if I could leave my ex and come home, Gods been leading me back to His heart. Its been a hard road, a road you bleed all over and stumble over. A road you yell at and abandon, only to come back too. A road you hate and a road you love.
Having said all this, I could NOT have ever made it this far on my path without myamazing family..My strong and loyal father John, My passionate and wise Mother Chantal, My creative and compassionate Mother Lisa, My gentle and selfless Mother In Law Sandy, My joyful and patient Father In Law Leonard, My understanding and kind brother Joshua, my handsome perfect little son Landon who's taught me more about love and grace then anyone ever could. And Monty...the man  who saw my heart and my truth before I ever did..who lifted me up when the weight of my pain and struggle could have been a million pounds...I love and honour every one of you with every breathe I take...and God...the all that ever was, ever is and ever will be...You rise above all these beautiful people..and I give all the glory back to you, to your Son, my personal saviour, Jesus Christ. Tell Dina Thank you for me...she has helped shape my future, and for that I am eternally grateful...tell her, I look forward to the day Ill get to meet her face to face and hand her a single yellow rose...